Something happened to me

I can't seem to get on the page to be able to view what Lisa wrote...but I can type in. Suddenly I heard loud voices constantly and started shaking so bad I could see straight. I went into some kind of attack crying hysterically and saying "I'm going crazy...". The voices were saying that I was like a lamb of God and I was supposed to take people's pain away from them. My foot hurt, my leg hurt...my hips and my head hurt. I felt so sick at my stomach that I got dizzy. The voices said I was going to die and that it would be a horrible death so that some other person wouldn't have to go through it. Then they started chanting that I would be a hero. I am definately not the hero type. My whole body was shaking. This lasted for four hours. I told my therapist about it and she recommended at least three days in the hospital.

So I told my boss about it and she got me three days off. I took it and ended up staying home instead of going to a psych ward in the hospital. I seem to be afraid of the hospital in the mental state I was in. It got to where I would forget the time and what I had done for the last 4 and 5 hours at a time. It happens when I get so caught up in a delusion or hallucination that my mind is almost completely preoccupied with the delusion or hallucination. Mostly auditory hallucinations.

After those three days I felt so relaxed and ready to go back to work...felt kinda clear minded. But when I got to work I felt like I didn't know what in the world I was doing there...what was I supposed to do and be doing...it took a good thirty minutes before I really figured out...that I was at my job and was fixin' to start work. I didn't dare tell my boss about it. She would've thought I just couldn't handle my job...I worry about that too. But all day long, for twelve straight hours I heard voices...alot of them. Like a whole group of people. Had the sense that they were watching me and criticizing everything I did or didn't do.

I truly, nowadays, live with the delusion that only SOME of the voices are from my brain and the other half are from people communicating through telepathy. That they are talking to me from faraway places like Florida, California, and Georgia. That these people can really see me and are afraid to admit that they hear the voices too. I get the feeling that my mother watches me at least once a day, lately. I feel that my Aunt Lisa hears me talking through "this stuff" as I call it. Maybe it is just wishful thinking and I miss them but I feel like it is really happening.

Well, I will update you later on my psychotic breakdown...at least I think it is what is happening...