I'm so scared about changing these meds even though I did ask my doctor for her permission to do it and she supports it, having seen today at my appointment that the depression is out of control...basically cried through the whole appointment even though there is NOTHING wrong! I'm not sad, upset, lonely, or anything, therefore I think it's all brain chemical related and these chemicals are not helping my brain. I'll have times nearly every day of crying for no apparent reason and they're really frustrating me. Life is actually peaceful, relatively, for once...why am I so miserable? Then I remember that I have inheirited a brain that probably is similar to my mother's brain, and isn't chemically balanced.
So far the best antidepressant for me has been Paxil, with Zoloft coming in second place.
But what I'm going to TRY to do is document the med change here on this blog, day by day.
Today: the feelings that led to the choice to change meds: Massive overwhelming depression with no rational or situational basis. Fantasies of dying in my chosen way. Fantasies of harming the property of someone who I don't really even know...and going so far as to go to a store to try to buy a large knife to do so. (which was basically the event that told me that it's time to change SOMEthing. Not being able to sleep, and then not being able to wake up, or not having a desire to actually get out of bed. Lack of hygiene and I'm not going into details on that one. Massive anger over tiny things that normally would not upset me. Worsened agoraphobia. New phobias that don't make sense...like being afraid of the ice cream in the grocery store. Seriously.
Time to go back to Paxil. :) Today, took 40mg of Paxil, 150 Effexor. Wish me luck.
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