WAS Suicidal...

I was not thinking good at all. I ran out of Paxil CR, my anti depressant, and got so many suicidal thoughts that I wanted to carry them out but I was just too scared. I mean why live anymore I couldn't even work at a fast food restaurant right. How was I gonna find a better job. I was so unhappy there anyway. But I had to work. Turned out I am not a 16 year old who can run around and twist and turn on a dime like they can so I was slow. I need a place that takes a little more time to take care of their customers rather worry about getting an order out in 30 to 60 seconds...hahahaha. I was way better at customer curtousy then that fast food place was!!!! In my two months there, I had three attacks...that's alot...alot of pressure. Anyway, the thoughts were of me turning the car across the median and facing oncoming traffic at a high rate of speed. Most of the time that was it. But I got my Paxil filled and after a couple of days I was fine again. Clinically depressed is not fun. If I can't get a job soon I am going to have to go for disability....