And things get worse...

This might not seem the right place to talk about health stuff but trust me, it has a definite psychological impact and also, I can't access the other blog anyway but this would probably be a bad month for it anyway, since February is coming fast. Or as we renamed it, F-U-ary lol...

I have to have a 'stress test' done and my doctor tried today to give me nitroglycerin to take for chest pain but I told her I didn't want to take that. It just has so many negative connotations to me. But I am going to allow the stress test even though I'm going to hate it. Because I am having pain and it does scare me.

Doctor (medical doc, I have one medical one now and one 'head' one both at the same clinic. I adore the head one so far, and tolerate the medical one) and I also got into a rather humorous discussion on age...she tried to convince the one who went to the appointment that I am 40 years old. Ok, I told her, granted the body might be 40 but *I* am nowhere near it (she was dealing with a 16-18 year old at the time) LOL she knows about the DID though so knows to never expect a routine conversation with me :)

Linda if you're out there, Goldie, my inner 5-year-old says she misses you (of course we all do, but she wanted me to pass on the message. She's the one who sat around the table with everyone and cut out construction paper with the scissors...and the one who most plays with the magnetic toys and stuff. She's one of the most outspoken of us. I think it's possible, after thinking about it, that she got named after the cat at River Farm, didn't we have a fierce tomcat named Goldilocks? She says we did and that he would lick two times and then bite you if you tried to pet him and that one time he tried to nurse on Daddy's nipple and boy did he fly across the room.

My darkest one is making more appearances lately probably because of FUary approaching. Actually I don't know what her personality is like, the only one who would know isn't someone that I can ask and he wouldn't tell the truth anyway most likely. I can't reach her inside, she's the only one that I know of that I cannot contact in any way, at least so far. And she is not sleeping right now, practically at all. Can only sleep deeply in the daytime and best if Dee is home to watch over us. At night we wander the apartment in frustration. Doctors have tried sleep meds, strong ones, but they have a reverse effect on me, leaving me feeling wired instead of tired...so it's just going to have to work through, I guess. But they know I'm 'in crisis' so they make frequent appointments for me and I'm going to get through this month. One way or another.