October 6th to 8th, 2007 nighttime

I was at my mother's apartment when I began to leave...I noticed I was feeling lightened up suddenly but sad at the same time. It was my Step father's birthday October the 6th and I think I left Mama's at 12:00 am on the 6th. Anyway, she needed this time to herself so I left. But earlier that morning I noticed I had run out of medication and didn't have anymore to take of anything except my Paxil CR (anti-depressant). So I took it that morning thinking I would have to go without the meds today because I didn't have time to go to the pharmacy before I left on my trip. I was going out of town. ALONE!

Anyway, I made it through the whole day and then as I was sitting there talking with Mama I became uneven...mood swinging really sharp-like...crying then laughing then crying again. I know it had alot to do with the subject of my step father Larry F. Dooley and that I was worried about my mother. As I left I went on down the road and got about 20 miles down the highway where I was to change roads and they had blocked it completely off. They had big barrels all the way across it. So I had to turn around and go completely back to where my mother lived nearly and go another way. I would have to go through Tennessee. Chattanooga is complicated for me to go through but I had done this one before and it was the only other way I knew to get home. That's when I started to freak out and the main voices came. Loud and chatty at first. Once I knew I would have to go through Chattanooga, it all began. I was tired from driving all day, also. Then there was the fight with my 19 year old son.
At first, the voices said "I'm home!!!" I said nothing. Then the voice said "You scared me to death!" Talking as if to me and about me doing something. Then something else was said "Do you know who this is?" And since most of my voices have names I did know who it was. I said "Yeah...How are you?" He said "Fine, now." and "And how are you?" I said "Great" I think. And I had a speed limit change and let off the gas. Then another voice jumped in and they began talking and the first voice said to me "Here's you something to make it home on." Talking about the thing we call "running medicine". Makes you awake and you can get all your work done easy. It makes you feel good, too.
Anyway, I didn't hear too much from him except that I could hear myself chatting what I was thinking out to the world...but that is not what I meant to do. It is like speaking into a microphone and you think that the whole world can hear you. But all I was thinking about was how NOT to get lost. Oh the voices, made fun of me if I studied to long on which way to get back on to the on ramps and things like that but it didn't get so bad till I got home...and I made it with no false turns..THANK YOU!
After I got home about 5:00 am I rested. But I couldn't sleep. My husband called at 6:24 am to get me to meet him at the car rental place to return the car....uggghhhh!!! So I got ready and met him there and the voices did follow. I finally got to sleep about 7:30 am. I slept all day but instead of the voices being dulled down they were still there and loud as ever. This is when the tactile (touching and feeling ) hallucinations began. I felt I was being raped anally and put myself back to bed trying to put up my sheild. But it seemed to fail. Now, I did not come up with the shield on my own the doctors told me to make myself a shield and use it. I myself thought that means more schizophrenic thoughts but...! Anyway, I went back to sleep and slept again and it was too late on Sunday to get my prescriptions filled so I had to wait. I ended up waiting until Monday afternoon at 4:30 pm. Then I got them all and it took about 3 hours for the Geodon to set in and the voices calmed down with the Respirdal. It took a couple more days for me to feel better. It is early morning on the 11th now. Rough weekend!!!!