Attacks

I have been having attacks every week, lately. They are of course differentt as all of them are except for the black fear I feel inside. I had two this week. I am out of three medications but they are just for moods besides Topomax...forgetfulness...so they say. I forget major things. But so far so good in college.

Yeah, I decided to go to college online; an accredited school, of course. I can only imagine what I'll learn. I am trying to get my Associate Degree in Information Technology. So far I have good grades and all is well. I am in the third week. It isn't as easy as it sounds ...it's real college..but there are reason I would rather go to an on-campus college and also very good reasons to start out at online college. My disabilities are thew best reason. I want to go to another college to get my Bachelor's Degree.

I tried to work for 3 1/2 years with voices so loud I couldn't hear my customer's. Going into black periods when I totally can't remember what things are around me and be so scared because of the black terror that creeps up inside me until I'm afraid to move. Coming home from work and sitting in my safe spot on the couch all curled up. Sometimes the voices are nice and help talk me through them. Sometimes I just need two Klonopin to stop it cold but then I knock out. Then there are times that the attacks last for hours and I just can't get myself together. But I am having them every week now. I just can't work like that. But I am not done trying to work. While getting my Bachelor's I will try again hopefully more stable in a good job.