My Psychiatrist

My psychiatrist increased my dosage of anidepressant because I was hearing voices telling me to die. I would just be doing something like fixing myself some coffee and the word would form from my lips and then I would hear it..."die" or "choke" or "wreck". I was a little paranoid about it but not too bad.

I was working 50 and 60 hours a week...alot of overtime. I also had been thinking that all I ever do is work and I guess I was making myself depressed. I may have to work tomorrow too. It is supposed to be my day off though.

I am going to be an Assistant Manager for another store (convenience store). And I am thinking that until I learn everything and it becomes easy for me..I will have more symptoms due to stress. But as long as I can concentrate I should be alright.

My birthday is today and I feel somewhat low about my age, 34, but kinda had a good birthday so that makes up for it. 34...34...and fat. 185 lbs. I usually don't eat candy bars much but lately I have taken a liking to "Heath" candy bars...NOT GOOD for weight!!!

I guess I am just not satisfied with myself lately. I can do it...I know I can...I have done it several times but I have also gained the weight back too. I stay busy and I hardly ever get a chance to just sit down. But it doesn't seem to be enough. I am not satisfied with me and I need to change that. I am not saisfied that I still smoke or what I eat. How much exercise I get. So I need to work on it more....