The voices were yelling at me yesterday...fighting over whether I was paying attention to them or not. They just wouldn't shut up. I tried hard to ignore it but I ended up losing the battle. They were so loud I couldn't ignore them. One of the voices...David...just like my ex boyfriend kept trying to ruin my life and said that he was the one making me miserable. He kept saying "You feel miserable today." ANd trying to hand me his father's heart attack so that his father wouldn't have one. His father is like 85 or something and has had 2 bypasses. David is a very evil minded voice. My heart felt like it was hurting most of the night. The bad part of schizophrenia is that sometimes you actually feel the pain of what the voices say they are doing to you. It keeps me paranoid. Anyway, I spent most of the night hurting in my chest. And today it started out the same way but it has since stopped. I guess I got my medicine in. You would think that since I take three 80 mg pills a day that it would stay in my system good...but that could be my paranoia also.
I wish thay would find me a replacement soon for the store I work in now. So that I could go to the new store. I am going to miss Marty but Shannon seems real cool. I am anxious to start Assistant Managing!! I think I will love it. To finally get somewhere in this company. The anticipation of the new position is probably what is making the voices become a problem again. I wish I could laugh for awhile. I just feel so flat mooded lately (the medication causes this). I don't seem to laugh or have any fun at all....I am not even smiling lately. Nothing seems to interest me except this promotion from work. I wander what to do. Any advice from anybody could help????
No comments:
Post a Comment