I am paranoid this morning...

I seem to be extremely paranoid this morning but the stumper is what I am paranoid of...this morning espresso. I can't believe I am paranoid about my espresso. I keep thinking that if I drink any more caffeine I will have a problem...like an "episode". I'm kinda freaking out about the caffeine but I am drinking it anyway...mostly because I am trying to prove to myself that a little more caffeine is not going to make the schiz any worse this morning. I wish I had a normal brain. Part of me is thinking that my medicine is not working but I know that for the major parts of my symptons...it is still working. It's the pain killer...I can feel it. My gum was hurting more this morning and I decided to take a whole pill instead of a half of pill. Whew... kinda out in left feild this morning. I got to go.