Saturday, December 29, 2007

This Christmas...2007

I spent the last two weeks coming off of Paxil CR cold turkey. I ran out and had no money to get anymore. My own fault I wanted to have a Christmas this year. I had nightmares every night at least 5 times in the night where I would wake up and go back to sleep to get a whole new nightmare. It was awful. I will never let them put me on it again. I would have been able to get it filled if my insurance company (still good insurance though) hadn't decided to raise its co-pay on Paxil CR to $22 every refill. Usually would only be $9. Paxil is a contreversal drug these days. But it helped me it just wasn't helping enough. They raised Paxil CR as high as they could raise it for me and I still had suicidal thoughts. But I didn't want to commit the suicide but the thoughts aren't what I want to have entering my brain either. SO I decided it is time to try something else. Yes, I do need my psychiatrist's permission to get something else. We'll see what she recommends. But it turned out to be a sad CHristmas with the death of my stepo father and memories of the 2006 Christmas we all had together...I missed him so much. I went through that alone, too. Afraid it would ruin my mothers Christmas if I were to talk to her about it...so I left it alone. I missed my last therapy and need to make another appointment. I will next week.

That's about it..still awaiting the arrival of my grandson in February. I can't wait.