Friday, April 15, 2005
Spoke too soon
I am shaking and scared this morning. The attack started a few minutes ago. This one was triggered by the thought of Mel' cancer, Cory trying to emancipate himself, and Lisa's cancer. I took one of the Klonopin and about an hour later the shaking and the terror started again. So hell I took another one. Not supposed to but I can't take this terrifying edgieness. If I spelled any of that right I will be shocked. Ever since the dream I had last night, I have been scared and worried about Mel's cancer ...which should be over with now because the doctor thinks he got it all...but he is the one that claimed the polyps didn't look the least bit cancerous in the first place. Shouldn't they do chemotherapy just in case. I think they should give him a whole new colon...but...it doesn't seem to work that way. I"M FREAKING OUT!!!
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2 comments:
Klonopin isn't really quite the same as Ativan and things like that, you pretty much have to take it daily and let the amount stabilize for it to really work, could that be part of the problem? Just taking it when you feel a panic attack starting probably won't work with Klonopin. Paula and I both take it also.
That could be it...I was told to take it one in the morning and one at night but I didn't want to be hooked (for sobriety purposes). I was afraid I would like it too much. And I do. At first when I took it...it was like the attack was still there just waiting for a chance to grab me..but the klonopin was in the way of it. Now as of today, it is like there is no chance of an attack. I am taking a half of one in the morning and a half at night. That is what the doctor told me to do after two weeks. I believe I am on time now. But before I felt like the attack was in me waitng to happen...now it feels completely gone. They were real bad attacks.
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