Suicide???/

I got bad news...my hip pain will never go away. The orthopedic specialist says that there is nothing else to do but to give me the epideral shots every 4 months. The shots only last 6 weeks for me. Another thing is that my psychiatrist says there is nothing more she can do about my "voices" either. I will have to live this way for the rest of my life. I feel like I have been sentenced to life in prison. I already have to use a scooter in Walmart...that place is so damn big.

It's a fact that the number one cause of death for Schizophrenics is suicide. I wonder will I be one of those. I have really begun to think seriously about it. I am miserable, the "voices" and the pain. All my medications are downers...they knock me out...that would be the way I would go. Why is it that the doctors don't mind handing out downers that make us "high" and sleepy but, they won't prescribe an upper for any reason.

I have been thinking seriously about suicide, then I wouldn't have to live like a crazy invallid. I'll be in a wheel chair if the pain gets any worse!!!! I can't stand the thought of it. To make my husband go through this with me seems so cruel. He shouldn't have to. I have become such a burden......

I went to see my psychiatrist and she decided to keep me off Paxil CR, Depakote, and Wellbutrin and put me on Celexa for depression. We'll see how it works...I know that it knocks me out.