Suicide???/

I got bad news...my hip pain will never go away. The orthopedic specialist says that there is nothing else to do but to give me the epideral shots every 4 months. The shots only last 6 weeks for me. Another thing is that my psychiatrist says there is nothing more she can do about my "voices" either. I will have to live this way for the rest of my life. I feel like I have been sentenced to life in prison. I already have to use a scooter in Walmart...that place is so damn big.

It's a fact that the number one cause of death for Schizophrenics is suicide. I wonder will I be one of those. I have really begun to think seriously about it. I am miserable, the "voices" and the pain. All my medications are downers...they knock me out...that would be the way I would go. Why is it that the doctors don't mind handing out downers that make us "high" and sleepy but, they won't prescribe an upper for any reason.

I have been thinking seriously about suicide, then I wouldn't have to live like a crazy invallid. I'll be in a wheel chair if the pain gets any worse!!!! I can't stand the thought of it. To make my husband go through this with me seems so cruel. He shouldn't have to. I have become such a burden......