My insurance company...

Agreed to pay for my Provigil. My psychiatrist had to explain to them why she prescribed it to me. I feel much better and am awake throughout the day...it's wonderful...without insurance to pay for it it would cost $339.00 for 30 pills.

It just might have worked...

Telling my therapist about Daddy molesting me just might have worked for me. I feel alot better than usual. I'm gonna go ahead with the therapy and maybe this will change me. Sheila, my therapist says that all my problems are stemming from the molestations and the sooner we get therapy going the better I will be. She says I should start feeling a whole lot better and I do. I could get over this depression and maybe I would be able to decrease my medications for schizophrenia, also. I have been put on one less Risperdal and increased one more Geodon for now. It has worked for me against the voices. No voices and I have my peace of mind back. Instead of "protecting" Daddy like I thought I was doing I am able to work on myself now. I had a dream where Daddy was telling me to work on myself now that he is gone from this earth. I know he is in a better place on the other side of life in the after life. Because I have had the dream about him. In the dream we both were laughing and he was at a tool box looking around inside it. He was under a light and he was showing me to work on myself now and I knew that he was okay.

It's something I believe now that I have had the dreams about Grandma, Larry Dooley, and Daddy all under the light. I had dreams about my Grandmother worrying about me until I met and married Mel after I quit drugs. I think that those dreams stopped because I was off the drugs and had quit them. Then I had two dreams of Larry Dooley and one of them he was driving a speed boat and the other we were moving. Then the dream about Daddy. They were amazing. I miss them all.

Feeling better...

I have begun therapy about my father molesting me. It will be a long road but a healthy one. I think I delayed therapy because of the voices. But I must be ready for this. I told her some of the story about it and she says it is like a breakthrough for me and I will start feeling better. I do feel better. I have been holding it from therapy for five years now.

My psychiatrist increased my dosage of Geodon...my hallucination medicine...from 160 mg to 240 mg a day. It helped a lot.