I'm not doing well emotionally at all...

And the worst part is that there is no reason that I can see for me to feel this way. I can't sleep, can't think clearly and I'm hearing my insiders more and more. I go to a new doctor on the 10th (I think) and I'm going to have her re-screen me for schizophrenia but I already do know the questions that she would ask and I know that honestly I don't have the symptoms of it. It's just wanting to have something easier to find a medication to ease the trouble inside. The not sleeping is the worst right now, if I could sleep perhaps I would be less 'fraggy' which is what I call it when no one is clearly in charge of things inside of me. We've been without any type of therapy since we dumped our most recent doctor, and now I'll be seeing one doctor for my 'behavioral' appointments and one for medical stuff...I don't mind having it separated like that, it actually seems like it would be easier to handle and both doctors are supposedly really good, so that's not what's causing it.

Just found out today that apparently Rebekah, my granddaughter, has a condition that she inheirited from her father, called Neurofibromatosis, which basically means that her life is gonna be a whole lot more complicated than it should be. We're 90% sure of it, just waiting on the official confirmation from the doctor, but that's a technicality, the symptoms are very clear. If she had 6 or more cafe au lait spots on her body larger than half an inch, and one first-degree relative with it (mother or father, in this case her dad does have it as well as 3 other members of his family) and she was born with 3 spots and now has 17, which is what caught our attention and made us check it out. But even that isn't the cause of my stress, this whatever-it-is has been bothering me for about 4 days now. Since it started abruptly I'm inclined to consider it a 'switch', but it's not a comfortable one and I'm not sure who's in front right now.

Anyway, enough rambling, I just felt the need to talk. It's nearly 4 a.m. and I'm going to lie in the dark until I finally fall asleep.