This is a blog about Mental Disorders. Jennifer has Schizophrenia as well as being Bi Polar. Lisa has DID/MPD or Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder which is rare. These are things we go through or have gone through. If you have a Mental Disorder and would like to join this blog please email me at jennilaverne@aol.com.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Almost did it last night.
The only thing that stopped me was that I sat down on the ground to wait a bit and I was too fat to get up in time...mental note, next time don't sit down. After a while it became funny in a sick way, but definitely funny, and I just went home.
You have got to tell your psychiatrist you feel this way!!! I mean it. Don't do this!!! I was in the same position a couple of months ago and I finally told my therapist and she got me more antidepressants. It worked. It would work for you too. Please don't do it. I am begging you. You are the only one who knows what I go through. Don't let it win, Lisa. Please stay alive. I know how bad it can get but Dee is there with you and you have the Grandbaby's. What can I do for you? Go to the hospital...don't be like me. Come on, Please. I know I can't be there but I can help if you tell me what you are going through that is so bad. If it's money... I know that you are not in near as bad a shape as we are and it is no excuse. Not that you need one I guess. If you want to you will do it anyways...but I begging you...I don't want to lose you. I can't take another death in a years time...it wopuld make 3. Please stay alive...please!!! I love you immensely. But if you hurt that bad I understand just please go tell your psychiatrist and try to make it and give yourself one more chance you deserve it after all you have gone through...don't let it win!!!
I have told my psychologist and we talk it out nearly every week. I'm appropriately medicated, it's just that I go through a MAJOR depressive episode every year at this time and this year things happened which made it much much worse. She doesn't want me to be hospitalized because, due to the way things are done around here for psych holds, she feels it would only make me worse in the long run and frankly I think she's right. I'm staying for Dee...I don't see the grandkids, havent since Georgia was born, I don't really do much of anything at all anymore. I'm turning into my mother in a way and that's the ONE THING I've told myself I MUST NEVER ALLOW.
I know about how down things are with me. I totally was what everyone would call "lazy". All I did was go and get Lea from school and cook supper every two days. I layed on the couch the rest of the time. I am just now as of this week working on making it better. I layed on that couch for 3 months except for school work also. I realized I was just staring off, sinking into my own hell, and becoming like Grandma also. I decided that I couldn't let myself become like that also. So now I get up and do little thingws to start with. Such as, now I am back on the computer as of today. I wouldn't even play on my puter. Cooking supper everyday and for right now...keeping the living room straightened up (And I used to be a spotlesss housekeeper). I did a little in the kitchen too. I know you don't feel like doing ANYTHING but force yourself to not sit there and be in your own wonderland not doing anything. We are going through the same thing. I want to be of help...I say if you don't want to be like Grandma, then don't be...but you gotta force a little at a time or more. I love you. I am sorry that the hospitals in California are like that. And to tell you a secret, I never went there either, when I especially should have. I am afraid of what people will think about me. I am sorry about this time of year also. I really hpoe it gets better for you, Lisa, you deserve a nice, happy life. I love you...you once told me to "hang in there" (I was in jail at the time though). Now I am begging you to do it now....Please hang in there until it passes and it will pass. Love, Jen
3 comments:
You have got to tell your psychiatrist you feel this way!!! I mean it. Don't do this!!! I was in the same position a couple of months ago and I finally told my therapist and she got me more antidepressants. It worked. It would work for you too. Please don't do it. I am begging you. You are the only one who knows what I go through. Don't let it win, Lisa. Please stay alive. I know how bad it can get but Dee is there with you and you have the Grandbaby's. What can I do for you? Go to the hospital...don't be like me. Come on, Please. I know I can't be there but I can help if you tell me what you are going through that is so bad. If it's money... I know that you are not in near as bad a shape as we are and it is no excuse. Not that you need one I guess. If you want to you will do it anyways...but I begging you...I don't want to lose you. I can't take another death in a years time...it wopuld make 3. Please stay alive...please!!! I love you immensely. But if you hurt that bad I understand just please go tell your psychiatrist and try to make it and give yourself one more chance you deserve it after all you have gone through...don't let it win!!!
I have told my psychologist and we talk it out nearly every week. I'm appropriately medicated, it's just that I go through a MAJOR depressive episode every year at this time and this year things happened which made it much much worse. She doesn't want me to be hospitalized because, due to the way things are done around here for psych holds, she feels it would only make me worse in the long run and frankly I think she's right. I'm staying for Dee...I don't see the grandkids, havent since Georgia was born, I don't really do much of anything at all anymore. I'm turning into my mother in a way and that's the ONE THING I've told myself I MUST NEVER ALLOW.
I know about how down things are with me. I totally was what everyone would call "lazy". All I did was go and get Lea from school and cook supper every two days. I layed on the couch the rest of the time. I am just now as of this week working on making it better. I layed on that couch for 3 months except for school work also. I realized I was just staring off, sinking into my own hell, and becoming like Grandma also. I decided that I couldn't let myself become like that also. So now I get up and do little thingws to start with. Such as, now I am back on the computer as of today. I wouldn't even play on my puter. Cooking supper everyday and for right now...keeping the living room straightened up (And I used to be a spotlesss housekeeper). I did a little in the kitchen too. I know you don't feel like doing ANYTHING but force yourself to not sit there and be in your own wonderland not doing anything. We are going through the same thing. I want to be of help...I say if you don't want to be like Grandma, then don't be...but you gotta force a little at a time or more. I love you. I am sorry that the hospitals in California are like that. And to tell you a secret, I never went there either, when I especially should have. I am afraid of what people will think about me. I am sorry about this time of year also. I really hpoe it gets better for you, Lisa, you deserve a nice, happy life. I love you...you once told me to "hang in there" (I was in jail at the time though). Now I am begging you to do it now....Please hang in there until it passes and it will pass. Love, Jen
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