I been having normal days again

... Such as getting in a good mood and then frustration at a customer for making me 2 minutes late to get off work. The nerve... He was nice though. My boss will find out what went wrong with my paperwork last night. I ended up being over (not short) in my drawer last night. I wish I could just keep it right myself. Can't seem to nail it. I just don't see how I could be $7.35 over. I am pretty sure I didn't rip anyone off.
Back to category. My medicine seems to work pretty good. I really only believe I am hearing things instead of believing all these people are talking to me without being here or else they are trying to make me insane. Cold-hearted stuff. Well, I should go for now. There is not really much to say with the medicine working...right now anyway.

I am getting better..

I used to realize it when I didn't hear things for a little while, I thought "Hey, cool, I am not hearing stuff right now, cool". And as soon as I thought it I would start hearing again for a little while. Now it almost seems like a normal Jen again. Well I am very tired tonight so I will go for now.

My doctor...

My doctor increased my dosage to 120 milligrams of Geodon a day. The voices have changed. They sound like the aren't talking to me or about me anymore. Like the voices are turning away from me. It is really weird how the "voices" seem to have found something better to do. I am relieved. But I am also finding myself worried more. Worried about real life things. I mean I always worried about my kids and people I love. But I never really worried about keeping a job or worry about being robbed before. It didn't scare me until now. I thought life would be the easiest thing to live (especially after what I have been through) if I could just get rid of the voices. Now I don't worry about getting rid of the voices...I worry about real things. Go on and roll your eyes at me, but when you think 5 or 6 people are watching and talking about you all day long... you never get a minutes peace and even just peeing can be quite an ordeal. You feel like there is no privacy. You wanna say something to the voice like "look I can do this by myself" or "can't you find anything better to do". Besides bother me all day. But it does not go away without drugs...not for me. I feel better nowadays. But I am depressed about real issues. So I will go for now. Love to you.

I have been having problems

At work, I seem to be having a few problems. I am forgetful of some things and I have been short in my register. Like I needed more issues to deal with. I might lose my job. Part of me says " I really like this job". Another says "I'll find one without a register" and the other voice says "Quit worrying there isn't much I can do about it". I just want a hob I can stay at and make a helpful amount of money. I greatly want to fully support myself but, I don't think that could happen. My medicine cost so much. It wasn't exactly a dream to work as a cashier but it made me feel better and the kids get some help. Part of me really wants to smoke again. I keep thinking that there are more important things than this job but, it costs money and the job is necessary. The only thing I can do right now. That is all right now. I wish my Aunt was feeling better.