I know you pretty good.

I knew you would close yourself up and I knew it was all bothering you. I knew that I could say all those normal things anyone could say to you to be nice but that you wouldn't want to hear it. But the only thing I could really say is that I am sorry for all that you are going through...and mean it. I remember all those things that we did and how much fun it was. And for awhile while you were there family life seemed almost normal and great.

I can't tell you that you are going to be ok but I "feel" like you will be. Like you said about thinking that it is not too far along (the cancer, I mean).

And what the hell do you mean when you were "worth knowing". You always have been worth knowing. Don't let that man make you feel that way..he is a child rapist and that in the eyes of anybody is the nastiest form of vermin there is. He is just manipulating his daughter's feelings. Like he has manipulated anyone's feelings.

I also feel upset about your condition...I am the one who has smoked for 17 years. I am the one still struggling through the tabacco...It should be me. As for the energy try an overdose amount of "Red Bull" or ginseng. I drink about two and then take ephedrine. So I feel pretty good right now. I know you are scared and I pray that the cancer isn't any worse. I don't know what I would do but lock myself up in the house and cry all the time. I cried all day long when they said I had schizophrenia. I thought, all those years fighting off the "voices" and then I find out they will never go away. I felt so tired and worthless. I know that it is not the same. I guess I would be mad ...mad that I wouldn't have the time I needed with my daughters and my son. I know you are in alot of pain and going through a lot of trama right now. Try and make yourself stronger than the cancer.
I just fel like I don't know what to do or how to help. But I want you to know I am here for you at your will. Ok, If you need to let loose go for it.