Last night

Last night, I had a couple of schizophrenia bouts that were different from the ordinary. I work in a convenience store and it is a well built place. We are right on a major highway but you can't hear the traffic from inside the building. A couple of times I stepped outside to check garbage and the sudden roar of the traffic after opening the door seemed to open my head up and I could hear the fighting and about three separate voices. It was that sudden and as soon as I went inside it took just a few seconds to get myself in order. WHen I first opened the door I could heard an extremely loud roaring sound and then the voices started. I looked around to see if there were any reactions from the other people inside the store...there were none so I guessed that they didn't hear it even though it was soooo loud. It's a reflex now to look around and see if anyone can hear what I hear. But sometimes I think I can see them reacting to what I hear and that makes me paranoid that other people can hear it and it bothers them. Like my thoughts are out in the open and people can hear them. I don't know if I have explained it good enough to where you can understand this but I tried. But it was different from the normal "voices" and problems. I can't go into the cooler at work without at least three main voices and they seemed to be real loud attempting to MAKE me hear them even though I tell them I would rather not...RUDE...LOL! But when it gets this way I try my hardest to ignore them and do my job.

Before my medicine, I could be alone in the house and a "voice" would start an argument with me. I know that I could be heard from the street screaming back at the "voices" to leave me the hell alone. But they were real to me. Just like someone sitting right there fighting my head off. With Schizophrenia, there is definately alot more to it than "hearing voices". Especially the religious stuff. I have been going to church for about 4 months now and it definately helps keep the religious hallucinations at bay. I have seen pictures in my mind as if to say that "GOd did this to me" because of something that I had done. But going to church and learning about God helps to keep that at bay. Along with the medicine.