I have to get my medication back on track.

I have been taking it at different times of the day as opposed to the same time of day everyday to keep it balanced out. I have to take my medication twice a day everyday. I decided one day last week to try and take my pill a couple of hours before I accomplished the task of restocking the cooler. Because my voices were too loud and desturbing while I was reloading the cooler at work. I took it two hours early so that I could get the cooler done more quietly and I did accomplish this. It was alot quieter...not as many voices. But I started having dizzy spells from it. So after experimenting for a week I ended up with the fighting in my head returning in the mornings when I woke up and lack of sleep. The fighting woke me up this morning from a real sad dream I was dreaming. I don't know which is worse the dream or the fighting. I know that my levels are off and I am going to have to get back to my regular schedule. Well we know what happens when I start screwing with my medications...so we won't do this again.
On another note...I am off of work for three days in a row and I am soooooo glad that I don't even mind the fact that it looks like we are going to have a storm....I say let it rain. I am in the mood for one of those days where you have to find things to do in the house to keep you busy because it is pooring down rain outside. I love the rain...the mood it puts me in...hard rain ...or slow rain. I've got a couple of things to do in the house it'll be great.
...It figures...I just "heard" the most awful thing... I had a dream last night that a man had died and his wife was trying to tell their fours sons (young children) that he was gone forever and they would get to say goodbye to him at the funeral. I woke up during this time with a bunch of arguing going on in my head. But the voice just told me that if I didn't want him to die that he had a couple of people that I could take instead...as if it were up to me to decide who lives and who dies. It's an awful feeling that goes with it. Let me see if I can explain it...It feels as though someones life is as stake and no matter what decision I make a lot of people are going to be hurt. With my medications I know the difference between real and not real...without my medications it all seems like it is real. I don't know if anyone could understand that but I will try to explain it the best I can. It is like a grownup reading a fictional story. The grown up knows that it is all fiction and none of it has happened in real life. The adult knows that it is not true and it is all made up from the authors mind. But if a young child reads a fairy tale or fiction...he or she doesn't quite realize that the story is only "make believe" and he might try to fly like Peter Pan or Mary Poppins only to get hurt because he or she jumped off the couch with an umbrella or worse. Without my medication it all seems "real life" to me and I have a real hard time believing that it is only my schizophrenia that causes me to hear, see, feel, smell and taste all these things.. I do not know if this makes sense. But there is a huge difference and I am greatful for my medication.