My Therapist

My therapist called me today to see if I was still having suicidal thoughts. I don't know why it shocked me but it did. She always tells me to call her if I have any problems because she can get things done faster..like run to my doctor's office and talk to him or to the nurse. I have had to call her three times since June. Twice because of the reactions I was having to the drugs..like problems swallowing-felt like seizures to me- and shaking on my left side..so on and so on. And I called her last Thursday because of the suicidal thoughts. Everytime she gets me results within a day. I won't say her name because it might not be safe. She's great. You hear stories about Mental Health Clinics and how they have so many patients that they don't have time to do things like this woman does...but she takes the time. I really appreciate her. And her assistants...LOL. I hope everyone can find someone like her.
I guess I need to say that all in all...considering what other schizophrenics hear...my voices are pretty mild. I have heard women scream and I have heard my mother say "you should just go ahead and kill yourself". She did not really say it..I imagined it. But I don't hear it all the time and that kind of stuff only happens once every few weeks or so. The voices, to me, are the easiest part to handle in my case. They are usually just nonchalant. Talking about much of nothing. Trying to get me to "play the game". A cruel game but I tell them it isn't real and life doesn't work that way and go on with my work. Some of the voices try to get me to feel things like being raped or tell me that because I didn't do something or say something right an earthquake happened. Which I don't believe. If I believe the voices things get real hard for me. Things get out of control and I think I barely make it through the night. But since I have been on Geodon I can tell the difference between real and schizophrenia...like I said before...without it I can't. Without it my life is insane. I am greatful to my doctor and my therapist and Geodon.