Monday, May 02, 2005

I suddenly...

got my control back. I got dressed to go to Walmart to get a few things and after I started to run through the store and get the things I needed and I could feel reality slip back in. All of a sudden I was there and there were no voices hollering at me. When I got home I felt like myself again and it has been quiet for the rest of the day. I got a call from my Aunt Linda telling me that Lisa ( my Aunt who also writes on this blog) was ok. She had been diagnosed with Cancer and today was the day they did her surgery to take it out. Anyway, she is fine and I got plenty of other news about it that makes me believe that the doctor was able to get it all out of her. The cancer looked like it hadn't spread. I feel better and one of the worries I had is subsided...now I said subsided not gone. Of course, there is always worry with anything to do with cancer. Now if I could quit worrying about Mel and his cancer...but that'll be a few months and even then I don't know if I will be able to stop the stress of it. Just like with Lisa...it WAS there (the cancer) and it could be there again. I guess that part doesn't go away.
But after I got that phone the schizophrenic relapse I was having and the awful night I had suddenly went away. Just like I said before...it feels like someone just suddenly surrounded me in the warmth of the real world when the schizophrenic bout is over. But I have been going through this one for three days. Longest one since I have been on Geodon. So far I haven't heard many voices since about 2:00 pm this afternoon. I feel like I am in a peaceful heaven and I truly wish it could be like this always....

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