AHHHHH

It all sounds as if I'm in a crowded room with a bunch of people yelling and arguing. They are not arguing any certain topic, just odds and ends...more like bickering about nothing. I haven't tried to count them but there is about 7 of them. I even see my customers accuse me of instigating the nonsense. I wanna curl up in a corner and hide. It is all very frustrating and nerve racking. If I try to make it stop it seems to get worse. I end up humming to myself to rty to make it all stop. But then my "voices" want to hum with me and that makes me mad. It is like trying to get away from someone that follows you and is there no matter what you do to get away. I feel as if everyone in the world can hear it and it makes me paranoid. I think I am going insane. If I talk to myself it helps but then I don't really like the idea of being caught talking to myself. That wouldn't look good for someone trying to become an Assistant Manager.
On that subject...I was passed over for assistant manager but I have only been there 6 months. It sorta has me frustrated about it but I still try to prove myself. And I really think I do a good job. I am always there I haven't missed a day of work yet. And I will be working every single day until we get more help. My boss seems to want to make me an assistant but it is not up to him...It is up to his boss. With the stress of not getting any days off for at least two weeks there will probably be more "voices". This is like a test to see if I can handle the work load.
I feel anxious most of the time that no matter what I do the "voices" will start or get worse. It is like this all the time and it is a hell of a way to have to live. I see why most people who have Schizophrenia can't work. As if I wasn't crazy enough...stress makes it mountains worse. I wish they would invent a pill that made it go way within an hour of taking the pill. But it doesn't work that way. For my schizophrenia, my medication stopped certain parts of the schizophrenia like the fighting in my head in the mornings but did not stop other parts of it. There is the fighting outside of my head at work I need to stop.
This week I see my doctor and I am pretty sure he will begin to try to find another medication that could help me. I will be on a combination of medicines for my Schizophrenia instead of just one pill. Probably for the rest of my life. That means looking out for drug interactions and trying not to accidently overdose myself... wish me luck.