...Too take my medication once in the morning and once at night. If I take both Geodon at night I end up too sullen. I hope I spelled that right. It makes a difference in my attitude. I feel too sedated if I take them both at night. I feel that way all day long. It cuts down on the "voices" also.
I am off to work after having a couple days off. I just Thank God I can work. Sometimes it gets hard but I think I am strong enough.
It gets overwhelming to live two different lives. I "hear" one life and live another. I remembered a long time ago that my "voices" would tell me that all the things I was hearing was my own brain...but I didn't believe them. Now I note constantly that I don't hear any "voices" when I am in a conversation with a real person. I put in quotation marks the word "voices" but to me they sound as if someone is right next to me talking to me. It is just that my doctor puts the word in quotation marks- that is where I got it from. I told him that I felt people trying to read my mind and all he said was "How do they do that?". It isn't the reading my mind that bothers me as much as the feeling I get...I feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and insecure. It is hard to work or be able to do much of anything (especially concentrate) with the feelings I get from the "hearing", "seeing" and "smelling" things. I just realized that I doubt anyone will understand this either...but at least I do.
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