I realize...

I realize that I am doing things ALMOST normally. I said, in a post somewhere, that I have to learn to live WITH the schizophrenia; not LIVE the schizophrenia. I am doing somewhat better. I did have a relapse the other night...due to a toothache though. Something about having pain or an illness near my brain that really makes symptons extremely hard to deal with. It isn't just hard to deal ...it is like nearly necessary to go to the hospital. I couldn't coherently hear my customers for the roaring and yelling of the voices. The pain I was feeling seem to show itself through the strength of the volume of the voices. It seems that if I have a head cold the voices get really strong but seem scattered brain. It is like a lot of chattering about nothing. But if I am in pain, such as a toothache, the voices are real strong sounding and loud...like they are fighting against each other...almost like a verbal war.

But...

I was saying in the beginning of this post that I am starting to live WITH the schizophrenia instead of focusing on the schiz..I am focusing on my life. I am dieting and driving and cleaning the house and now I don't dwell on every little schizophrenic thought and reaction I have to it. The paranoia has lessened a good bit since I don't worry so much about the thoughts I have. Now I just need to get rid of the voices...especially the one named Samantha!!!!!!