More panic

I had another attack today. I am hearring women screaming again. I am taking my medicine normally. Mel is going to be a day late coming home, I guess that is why I feel so sad. I want to break down in tears but I can't. He calls about three times a day but I just don't feel safe. I have beeen smoking more too. My lungs felt like they used to when I smoked cigarettes. I don't like it at all but I can't seem to get the strength to give it up yet. It seems like an added chore that I don't want to do. Not right now with the panic attacks happening so much lately. I have 45 minutes till I go to work. Anxious to get there and dreading it at the same time. I will probably have to work 6 days next week instead of my four...to cover a girl with some vacation time left. I am not enthused the slightest bit with the thought...but. Life is too hard.