That people can't really understand unless they live it. Luckily for them, most people don't. I had a great conversation with a woman in an AOL chatroom tonight about DID. First chatroom I've gone in since...well it's been months at least. But she gave me perspective on it and a few ideas of things to read. I get so frustrated not being 'normal'...well, I wouldn't want to be the boring type of 'normal'...but at least normal enough to handle things like doctor appointments without freaking out. I have to go see the urologist on the 28th and he's gonna do that cystoscopy maybe, if I can be persuaded to allow it. There are some holes that simply should not have cameras inserted inside and that's one of them...I don't know if I'll be able to handle the pain. I know when I had a stent in for a kidney stone a couple years ago and they took it out, they said it would be 'a little uncomfortable'. HAH! It was downright painful and I informed them of that fact LOL. I want them to find out what's going on with my left kidney...I can't stay on Vicodin forever, and I can't handle how much it hurts when I have an attack. But I don't want that cystoscopy! It makes me feel invaded...
I saw Paula and Rebekah (and William) today for about 3 hours. I took them to get some boxes of baby cereal for Rebekah and bought Paula some dresses at Goodwill...she's enormously pregnant for 5 months, baby is due...I think she said December 17. It was an ok day but anything involving her involves me falling apart when I'm at home afterward, and tonight was no exception, but I handled it much better than I usually do, so I'm proud of that at least. Anyway, it's after 3 a.m., gotta try to get SOME sleep tonight.
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