Suddenly, I have had this fear of death. Mine or anyone's. I am usually nowhere near afraid of death. My philosophy was that death had to be the end of all pain (which was alot of what I was feeling-Pain). I was in a lot of emotional pain then. Now I am suddenly afraid to do things that I love. Like driving. I love being in control of a good running motor. It is like men's love of cars and motors I think. I feel so uncomfortable driving lately. Maybe it is just that it is my fiance's Mercedes Benz or maybe because the car doesn't belong to me. If I got a smaller car maybe zI would feel different. But there is still the fear of dying that I have. I have never been afraid of death in my life. Sometimes I am afraid that this fear might keep me from living. I am even afraid to walk today. Scared that I may get hit by a car. I feel intense fear at the thought of it. It is pretty scary. And somedays there are new fears. This one has been going on for about 3 or 4 weeks now. I think that my life may never be normal again and that living with new fears ( even though I really don't fear them) may become an everyday thing. I am not liking the thought of that at all.
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