More like downright impossible-Life, I mean. :)

I've been going through a really really bad time right now...I know why, the dreams I'm having are trying to show me the reasons, and yet I don't understand. It's like it's right there in black and white in so many different ways to make it so clear to me, and I can't..put..my..finger..on..it. Then I wake up and it's all over with for the night...but then another night rolls around and I'm up most of the night again. Then when I do sleep, the same dreams in the same places making it so very clear that I am supposed to understand and I Can't! I'm either in Grandmother's house in my old room's closet, hiding...or I'm in the old house on Old Summerville Road trying to find SOMEthing that isn't even THERE. Today I was feeling already pretty depressed so I decided to finish cleaning our bedroom and put some things away, I decided for once to try a little music to make it, I dunno, less boring. So I put in what I thought was innocent: an Abba tape. Next thing I know I'm lying on the bed crying for no reason. As soon as I caught it, I stopped the tape, got myself out of there and called Deanna to talk me through it so I wouldn't cut...and I didn't cut, either...I'm proud for that at least. I'm out of Vicodin and that is NOT helping one bit. I ran out suddenly and it threw my body for a loop, I usually have to take 1-3 a day (regular strength, not the extra strength ones). So my dreams should really be interesting tonight lol.