Thursday, August 19, 2004

Hang in there...

I know, easy for me to say...but not really, considering I know how it is to be having to struggle to get meds. I'm fortunate since I'm on SSI and in CA, if you're on SSI you automatically get Medi-Cal, so most of my meds are covered. The only one i have to pay for is my pain medication, because Medi-Cal won't cover the amount that I need of them every month, so that's 60 dollars...and if I couldn't get them, I'd still be able to function. So like I said, I'm fortunate. But the fight to get SSI was something else--it was truly a battle, and they finally had to break me down right in front of a judge for me to qualify. Plus my doctor took very good notes and faxed them all to the judge. I take a whole bunch of meds, if I had to pay for them it would be a couple thousand a month...and many of them are 'body meds'...one for my heart, one for blood pressure, one for diabetes. I feel too young to feel this old. To me, 'old' is over the age of 80 or so...and I feel old at 38. But I'd feel a heck of a lot older if I didn't have my meds...I ran out of my one for blood pressure once and didn't take it too seriously, figuring, ok, I have high blood pressure, but I'm only in my 30s, I can go without the meds for a few days, no big deal. Wrong...my blood pressure was so high it was actually within 'stroke range'...my doctor chewed me out and I deserved it. I take it more seriously now. I don't want to end up paralyzed and unable to do anything. I wish losing weight was easier...I wish I could go for walks...I wish a lot of things. But I haven't given up on myself, I'm working on myself even if it's just a teensy bit every day. I wanna live..at least right now.

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