When something is so important and the mate just doesn't understand. I want to go see my son but i am afraid that i don'thave away for Wednesday. It hurts, I have been crying for part of the day now. I hate my circumstances. I always think that I won't know what to say to my kids but, it is always the truth. I have a policy aboput my kids. I tell them the truth or the part of it I am allowed to tell them. My daughters are in DFAC's custody. They are doing better then when I had them at home. I told my son I would spend the rest of my life making things up to him. When they were at home they wouldn't even go outside and play...that just ain't normal for a child. They are more active now. They don't have to worry about their parents. I can only imagine what it could've been like. I did not know that the voices were an actual disease. I was paranoid at the time that my kids could hear all that crap and was fighting it off. I guess they could've seen me do it. I don't remember... I think I just thought it. My therapist said that drugs seem to masked the hearing voices and dillusions(spelled wrong I think)of schizophrenia. I was on drugs then. I have been sober for 2 1/2 years, now. I believe in AA. I choose not to go on back on drugs...my choice. I have too much to deal with without going back on all the problems drugs cause. Illegal Drugs that is. :)
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