Today...

It is a beautiful for paranoid thinking triggered by the knowledge that the store I used to work at got robbed. I am having a panic attack and am praying that it goes away soon. It happened down the street from where I work and I can't seem to get ahold on my brain so far. I took my medicine which usually makes me feel secure. I am usually more aware after I hear of a robbery and not so freaked out, but not today. No it couldn't be easy today. I can't breathe or it feels like I can't breathe. I have a huge urge to call inbut I know that I won't. It is calming down...Thank God. The schizophrenia can make me feel things that aren't there so...you can imagine what I feel. I have learned that I can't talk about some of what I hear or see because people get skiddish. I do want to say this I KNOW THAT IT IS NOT REAL, but I still feel it, see it, etc. It is kinda like you were pretty sure you put the mailbox flag up but you didn't. You can even picture it in your mind that you did it...you remember it...but you really didn't. Best way to explain it.

I am retracting something I wrote earlier. When I said it wasn't a illegal drug that made me this way...It is possible that the illegal drug "methamphetamine" that I was addicted to a few years ago caused brain damaging effects. They are studying it. There are so many horrible chemicals used to make the drug that it may have brain damaging effects. I could almost scream out that it is very brain damaging. They put battery acid and muratic (check spelling) acid is one of the main ingredients in that drug. Muratic acid is used to clean pipes, I think. This is just a bunch of garbage cleaning ingredients, put together. It does cause brain damage.
I used to get these huge headaches, I caused my own brain damage. That's like learning to smoke and then getting cancer.

My Grandmother had schizophrenia, too. Probably hereditary. I think my Therapist was right more then she knows. The gene is there but, the drugs could've brought it out. I was so stupid. I know that this is a bummer but I created this site to do exactly this...to wander and to share about phsychological diseases and issues. I feel confused right now. ( Boy, my brain is misfiring today) A lot of false feelings. Take Care.