I'm a little 'off' today.

I had to have the ultimate icky female exam test today...the dreaded PAP. I was a few years past due, but it's one of those things you hope your doctor won't remember, LOL. But I'd been bleeding nearly two complete months and we figured it was time. I think I might be headed toward a hysterectomy down the road a ways...can't really say I'd mind much. The danged thing causes me so much pain now. She also tested me for a couple other things that I reeeeeeeeally hope come up negative....she says since nothing's showing up on the scans they've done, that the pain I'm having could be a combination of my fibroids, an infection, and scarring from the Pelvic Inflammatory Disease bout that I had when I was 14. She says that they now say that PID is caused by gonorrhea or Chlamydia...so that even though I was treated and it went away, I could have some scarring or damage from it. I was like noooooooooooo, those are just too icky. So I'll find out when the results come back. I'm getting frustrated. And even though this stuff doesn't seem like it belongs on a psychological blog, trust me, it's having an effect on my moods and emotions today. I'm tired of being in pain. And when I stop and add it all up, I've been on this stuff for a very long time. Luckily I don't seem to be building a tolerance for it, I don't require more and more. But I'd like to be off of it, it makes me very queasy all the time. Anyway, just needed to write it all out. It was kinda funny in a sad way, when she asked if I'd ever had either of those diseases I was like NO! And then I mentioned that I'd had PID, she was like 'well then, you probably did have one of them...so I thought about it for a while and said well, my 'boyfriend' at that time had been a 39 year old ex-convict IV drug user. So anything was possible. Jeeeze the stupid things we do when we're young. But on the other hand, I was also trying to survive. So it wasn't as stupid as it sounds looking back. Anyway............ But at least I'm HIV negative.