I know exactly how it feels to be frustrated by 'testing' meds to find the right one or right combination. I've been on several since my depression was diagnosed back in 1995. The first was Zoloft and it was a 'miracle pill' to me at first. I remember the day it 'kicked in'. I was in KMart in Merced before they closed it down, and was just wandering around aimlessly killing time before my group appointment (back when I was going to county Mental Health). Then all of a sudden (and it really was that sudden for me) I looked around and noticed that everything had colors and textures and people were doing things and everything just suddenly became interesting and I could hardly make myself leave K-Mart, until I realized it wasn't just there, it was everywhere. After that things were better as far as the depression, though the other stuff wasn't even touched. But I think, looking back, that the beginning of Zoloft was the last step of the end of whatever was left of my marriage because out of all the possible side effects that it can cause, I only had one....the inability to...well I can't think of the way to word it that I'd be comfortable with, let's just say my libido was completely and utterly gone (they shoulda put me on that at 13 LOL). I took Zoloft until 1999 when we filed for bankruptcy and I had to include Mental Health in the bankruptcy, I owed them about 700 which to us back then was a lot of money. Soooooo then I was without meds until I ended up in the Safehouse, when they put me back on Zoloft because they thought they were dealing with depression (actually it was the DID they were dealing with but it still helped a little bit) then when I got on my own and had to go through CalWorks for welfare, and had to deal with people, I got switched to Paxil because the Zoloft wasn't helping anymore. Paxil was a REAL miracle for me, it made it possible, for a short time at least, for me to deal with people almost in a normal social way. But it didn't last, we raised it as high as it could go and the pressures were just more than I could deal with. Recently I tried a switch to Wellbutrin because it didn't have that one side effect that I mentioned earlier, and Paxil does....and on Wellbutrin for depression and BuSpar for anxiety I got very very sick and couldn't even walk straight. So we switched the BuSpar for Klonopin and then I wasn't sick, but Wellbutrin didn't help my depression at ALL....so after about 6 months of having a sex drive but being too depressed to care, I'm back to Paxil now, and though it doesn't make it where I can function socially and of course it doesn't help the DID, at least I'm not crying all the time for no reason as much anymore, I feel more stable, and it feels like the right choice. That's my story...condensed, of course. Sometimes it's so frustrating that you feel like giving up....hang in there.
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Zoloft made me hallucinate. I had to stop it. I saw burning bushes and a man walking next to me with hat on like the old days. Like a short brimmed stetson. Not the cowboy hat. He was walking next to me while I was driving 50 miles an hour...Linda Faye was with me. I said do you see that? She said No, what? I told her. Weird. He was a thin man and older like in his 50's.
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